To be or not to be afraid?

If I can sum up my week in one word, it would be FEAR. More specifically, fear of any new changes. I found myself living in a new environment, embarking on further study in a new university and having to deal with the overwhelming amount of new responsibilities bestowed upon me. With these changes in such a short amount of time, I felt lost, at times uncertain and doubtful; and familiarity quickly became something I crave.

To put it simply, how many of us has let our fears hold us back? Are we afraid of adapting to changes? Are we afraid to venture into the unknown? Are we afraid to live in uncertainty? Are we afraid of starting something new?

To point out, the words "fear" "afraid" are found in most or all the questions above. To put it rationally, fear and afraid are synonymous, and both these terms are closely associated to making changes or venturing into the unknown. We can easily let fear affect our decisions in all aspects of our lives, that is the fear of leaving a comfortable job to pursue your dream career, the fear of being alone and never finding someone better, the fear of being looked down upon, or even the fear of rejection or failure. For many of us, fear has affected our lives in a way at some point in the past or even now.

One advice that I learnt this week that has helped me tremendously is to Be brave, step outside our comfort zone, and make changes. Our 20s especially is the time for exploring, finding out more about ourselves and the sort of person we want to be. Most importantly, it is viewed upon as the time to make fundamental changes for the better and grow into the person that will hopefully inspire our children and future generations. As terrifying as it may seem,  we should step outside our comfort zone, and lead life by our rules, not by the rules inflicted upon us by society. Sometimes, choosing to face the uncertainty and embracing the change for ourselves means that we are the strong ones. The unknown is filled with many possibilities and if ever we do hit rock bottom because of a bump in the road, it will only get better.

So are you afraid of change or do you embrace it?

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If I were to look perfect

This post was inspired by a Youtube video I recently watched. Four women were asked to participate in a Photoshop experiment. Each woman took part in a photoshoot and their photos were photoshopped to look like cover models.

After watching the video, I find myself wondering; given the chance to look perfect, what would I look like?

Let's see: 
I would have longer legs and smaller hips.
I would have long thick shiny hair.
My skin would be flawless and makeup would be perfect.
My eyebrows arched perfectly and my cheekbones would be chiseled.

The video above sends a very powerful message to everyone out there.

Stop being so hard on yourself.

Stop being so critical.

Stop comparing yourself to everyone.

You are different. Embrace it.

As stated by one of the women in the video, "Once someone else has done your makeup and someone else has done your hair, and someone has directed the way your body looks and then taken away your imperfections, then there's not much left of who you really are."

This video has really taught me not to be too critical on myself and to be comfortable in who I am. To measure my happiness and success by how I look would be superficial and disappointing.

I am not supermodel thin nor am I athletic. I don't have perfect skin or the most defined face. I get pimples and I have acne scars. I am short sighted. I have short and straight eyelashes.  I can be awkward and quirky. My eyes squint when I smile. You know what, its okay.

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Being the naive one

Apparently, I’ve been told I am naive.

As in, I would believe anything and everything that people tell me, and I am most likely to be taken advantage off. Naive is generally not meant to be complimentary. I’m young, yes. Naive, maybe. You see, I see the good in all people. If someone has done me no wrong, I would never say a mean word about them. I am generally a happy and positive person. Yes, I am well aware of the evil, cruel world outside and that you cannot trust anyone on the street besides your family. The newspaper, TV and radio are constantly filled with sad negative stories everyday. Yes, I am well aware of all this.

But I choose to see the sunny side of things. I’ve learned to see the good in person from all walks of life. I know when I am being taken advantage off and I know when to walk away from these people. If I sense that someone is being manipulative and deceiving, I would keep my guard up and stay closed off.  I know I still have ALOT to learn and perhaps, life will throw me a few curveballs. But I would never stop seeing the good in people because sometimes we should focus on the positive side of things.

Read More... Being the naive one

Falling in love; and finding the one

Many of us dreams of finding someone, falling in love and living happily ever after. It embodies the likelihood of how successful and happy you will be in life. The phrase “behind every great man, there’s a great woman” explains that for every success that you achieved in life, it would be through the support and encouragement of your spouse or partner in life. To have that special someone, be it man or woman, gay or straight, sharing your life and dreams, and being your biggest support in helping you achieve your goals/dreams is our society’s epitome of finding happiness.

The notion of falling for someone or even finding the one is scary for some or even absolutely absurd for the skeptics or non believers. The thought of finding the elusive “one”, you know, the one you can’t imagine life without, the one who makes you happy, the one you can imagine growing old with, the one you want to marry, the one you want to have children with, may seem unattainable for a lot of people. One lesson I’ve learnt from watching How I Met Your Mother, is that it takes a lot of patience and to never lose hope. For the main character Ted Mosby, it was worth the wait (9 seasons to be exact). What I’m trying to say is that we should try to be Ted Mosby once in a while; date around, get your heart broken, make mistakes, be crazy, discover yourself, follow your dreams, and not wait around for the person to pop up into your life. As the saying goes, you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.

So after a lot of waiting, you met someone. He or she seemed nice which is great. Casual dates turned into romantic nights, which lead to weekend getaways and before you know it, you realized you are falling in love with them and you cannot imagine life without him or her. So now you wonder, what’s the next step? Is it time for a serious commitment like moving in, engagement or marriage? This begs the question, how do you know you found the one? For many, it could be a specific moment, a feeling or an action of your significant other that reinforces you like a lightbulb going off in your head. During that time, it feels right. When you know, you just know. Taking the next step is no longer scary or uncertain anymore, and you can look towards a future with them without any fear. Suddenly, the amazing connection you share with them and the life you have created together makes perfect sense.

Despite the skeptics, finding the one is possible. Life is beautiful when you are busy enjoying it by yourself, but having that special person in your life makes life more beautiful. So when you come across someone in your life that makes you happy, that makes you stronger, wiser and a better person, that wants the best for you, that is there for you always, don’t question if they are the one.

Because if they are the one, you will just know. 

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Girls should date funny guys

Guys are funny creatures. They make us girls melt, they make us cry, they make us mad, they make us do outrageous things no reasonable person would do. Yet, us girls can't get enough of the male species.

My favourite among them are the funny ones. Yes, I admitted it.

No not the ones where you fake an awkward laugh when they make you feel rather uncomfortable, or the ones where you just laugh because what they are saying does not make any sense and faking a laugh seems like the only thing to do. I meant the genuinely funny guys who says the funniest things or does the weirdest things, yet make it look very entertaining. They know how to crack me up until my cheeks burn.

Yes, I would date funny guys.

Funny guys can make me laugh. They make first dates less awkward and actually fun. They keep the conversation going and I feel more like myself around them. Funny guys can impress me with their wit and charming nature, making me enjoy their company. 

Laughing is really the best medicine. Laughing makes everyone feel good from the inside. I know how it feels to be out on a date with a guy with no sense of humour, or worst, a different sense of humour. It's not fun. Sure he may look handsome and all, but funny guys has all my attention.

Would you date a funny guy?

Read More... Girls should date funny guys

A letter to my 16 year old self.

Dear 16 year old Michelle,

Hi there! There are a lot of things I want to tell you. I know you are feeling a little lost and sad right now being in a new school in Australia. You feel that you can't fit in, but its okay, as it will get better. I know you are being rebellious right now with Mum, but she is only looking out for you. So trust her as she has way more life experience than you. Some years down the line, you will really need her when you go through major life changes. Mum will also go through some heartbreak and difficulties, and during that time, please do be there for her and strive to put her feelings before yours. As for Gene, he will stay the same in the next few years. He will be all about the computer games, like any other boys his age. He will do very well in his studies though, especially during his VCE. He is a smart boy, so you don't have to worry about him. Also, tell Mum not to worry about him so much as you know how over-protective she can be.

I know you wonder about relationships and you are starting to notice boys. Don't you worry, you will go through many relationships and like most girls, you will make classic epic mistakes of being overly jealous, being clingy and needy and what not. My girl, you are still young and you still don't know what you want. You will go from relationships to another relationships before you learn from your mistakes. Half the time in these relationships, you will feel lonely and single. There is nothing wrong with walking away from a relationship that doesn't make you happy, rather than staying in it. Remember, its better to be single than be in a bad relationship. And, I know you really want to know about sex. My advise is to wait! Wait for as long as you meet the right guy because it will be all worth it. You probably feel scared and worried about love, relationship and sex. It's normal and reasonable to be scared but when the time is right, it would not be a big deal, trust me. Don't let peer pressure get to you either. There is nothing wrong with waiting because you are definitely worth it.

You will also meet new interesting people, gain new friends, and even lose old friends. You will meet people that will look down on you and overlook you. You will meet and read about people that inspire you. You will meet people that teach you lessons, and these people will bring out the best in you. You will even meet people who are really attracted to you. Don't fret about your looks. You are already beautiful. You may not think so now, but every year, you are going to feel more confident and show a lot more of your true self. Also, work on your inner beauty, personality ad character, as it will serve to be even more important than your outer beauty.

VCE will be a stressful time for you but you will get through it. Study hard and enjoy yourself at uni. Choosing a career will be tricky for you. Sometimes,  your goals will change and the career you thought you liked may not be what you want. But it will be exciting for you and take every opportunity that presents itself because not many people are as lucky as you. You will meet amazing friends at uni who will be like a brother or sister to you. They will all be different but that's the best part. By surrounding yourself with different people from different backgrounds, you learn from them and it will bring out the best in you.They will accept you as you are and be there for you. So don't change who you are to fit in with certain people, you yourself is enough. Don't push people that are important to you away, just because of stressful circumstances. When you get upset and scared in a situation, and your first instinct is to walk away and deal with the problems later, don't. It will make the problem worst later on. 

I will be lying if I tell you that your life will be perfect. It won't be easy and the next few years ahead will be filled with ups and downs. You will go through many changes in life and experience an array of emotions, but when you think it doesn't get better, it will. So my dear girl, lead a messy life and make countless mistakes. Go through ups and downs with a smile and thank everyday for the life you will lead and the people that you have.

Sincerely,

Michelle 

Read More... A letter to my 16 year old self.

What defines you?

What defines YOU?

What defines YOU as a person?

No, I'm serious, think about it for a minute.

Are you defined by your job, your status, or your lifestyle choices?

Is it your wealth or how much money you have saved up?

or is it something materialistic like how many luxury items you own?

or something aesthetic, like your weight, super curvy butt, long lean legs, or full lips?

or even your health and sexuality?

Is it the people around you, like your family, parents, boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse or friends?

or most commonly, does your past define who you are?

The people around you does not define who you are. Do you really need their affirmation or approval? Do you have to look to others for identity and a sense of belonging?

Because every time you look to others for approval, you miss the chance to define yourself. You start losing who you are and never get the chance to feel complete.

Your past does not define you. Mistakes, regrets and bad experiences do make up our past.

I, for one, has made mistakes and bad choices in many aspects of my life. I have harboured deep regrets for my actions and my words that have hurt others.

I have let my past defined who I am, and that has in turn determined my future, as I chose not to step out of that history. 

To be honest, this is an area where I struggled the most. I tend to blame myself for my actions but I have learned that my past does not define who I am. So don't let your past define you either. I know nothing can change what happened in your past or the pain you endured in your upbringing.

So what exactly defines YOU?

It's how you NOT let your past and history, and the people around you define you. When you choose to do something and step out of your past no matter who and no matter how the past has been, and not let it define how YOU live your life, that is how YOU are defined.

When you let go of any anger or resentment of how your life turned out, and choose to not give up, that is how YOU are defined.

When you accept your past and create new experiences for your future, that is how YOU are defined.

When you accept that not everyone is going to support you and you realize that you don't really need their approval, that is how YOU are defined.

Remember, you are the only person that can define who you truly are.

Read More... What defines you?