Everyone should have their own deal breakers, some characteristic or attribute of someone so significant enough for you to end the relationship or courtship. It can range from a lack of chemistry, different life values and goals, height difference, incompatibility, a smoking habit, or even different music tastes. I personally think it is necessary to have a few deal breakers. You need to know what you want and what you don't want, and deal breakers are a part of what you cannot put up with in a relationship and is not willing to settle for. There is nothing wrong with breaking it off because a guy/girl doesn't meet some expectations that are important to you. However, there is a difference between a couple of deal breakers and unrealistic expectations.
There is one deal breaker I think everyone should put on top of the list as it is the most important of all. I read somewhere a long time ago that you should look for someone who knows how to love well.
Finding someone who knows how to love well seems pretty broad. But lets ask ourselves the big question, what is love?
According to the most famous definition of love; "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs".
Therefore, to find someone who knows how to love well is to find someone who possesses all the following characteristics:
1. He/she must be patient
Patience is a virtue. Having someone who is patient is hard to come by. There is nothing better than someone who is patient with you even when you are complaining about a bad day or in a bad mood.
2. He/she must be kind
A person who is kind-hearted will put your needs above others, they will show empathy and relates to how other people feel and how their actions will affect others.
3. He/she does not envy
A little jealousy shows that they care, but too much jealousy can pose a big insecurity. If he/she is not easily envious, it shows that he/she has the maturity and is comfortable with being themselves.
4. He/she does not boast
There is nothing worst than someone that enjoys boasting and feels the need to toot their own horns. If they are really that great, they should show you. There is nothing wrong with someone having high self-esteem but it is important for a girl/guy to be able to demonstrate a little bit of humility.
5. He/she is not proud
Similar to being boastful, being proud is like being arrogant. There is a difference between feeling good about something you accomplished and thinking you are better than everyone around you. Would you put up with a guy/girl that thinks they are way better or way more successful than you?
6. He/she does not dishonor others
To dishonor others is to bring shame and disgrace to others. You should always be proud of them and wanting to show them off to the world, rather than feeling humiliated and embarrassed with a guy/girl.
7. He/she is not self-seeking
Being self-seeking is when someone is using you for their own personal benefit or interest, whether it be money, sex or something else. If someone is with you just for something they can gain from you, then they are being selfish and does not really love you for who you are.
8. He/she is not easily angered
This is very similar to being patient. Having the occasional mood swing is fine, but if he/she is always finding faults with you, then you might want to rethink about the relationship.
9. He/she keeps no record of wrongs
There is nothing worst than being with someone that keeps track of the number of times you stuffed up or even the number of arguments they won. Nobody is perfect. It is essential to find someone that loves you unconditionally, despite everything and does not use past wrong doings against you.
I also want to add that honesty and positivity/being ambitious are also essential traits for someone to know how to love well. If he/she is constantly lying and being negative, how are you going to trust them to take good care of you in future?
The other things like compatibility, chemistry, connection, goals and values are equally as important, but finding someone who knows how to love well should be the core of the relationship you want.
So if someone wants to know "what's your type?", you should be able to answer without hesitation "someone who knows how to love well".
Bravo!
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