Sorry, I'm just not that into you.

I have a confession. I have a checklist of the qualities I want in an ideal partner. Cute?  Check. Has a career? Check. Mature? Check. Older? Check. Funny? Check. Great personality? Check. Patient? Check. Kind? Check. Has a great body? Check. And double check. But that's just part of my list, your list would most likely be a little different depending on who you are and what you like.

Like a lot of girls, I would start dating a guy with a carefully and thoughtfully constructed checklist at the back of my mind, ready for me to tick off. In addition to the checklist, there needs to also be connection, chemistry and compatibility above all. Whether I care to admit, I have found myself lowering my standards and expectations at times. Realizing that finding a partner that tick all the boxes on my "checklist" is unattainable, I started settling.

Sure, he has nice eyes and seems interested. He makes me laugh. Who cares if he never had a job? Who cares if he plays computer games all day? I can live with that. I can change that. I can totally support and take care of him..?

Wow this guy is super hot and a total babe. He is also an absolute genius. We get along great but I am still not attracted to him. But I don't want to lose him. Maybe my attraction will grow if I keep seeing him..?

Sound familiar?

So I put my worries and confusions aside and keep seeing him, forcing myself to be comfortable with him and develop feelings. I almost feel guilty that I'm pretty much lying to myself. I'm living a lie and he needs to know the truth before he gets hurt.

It's hard and distressing to convince myself that he is really the best guy for me when I know in my heart he isn't and I can do so much better. I like the idea of him, just not him as a person. The hardest part of it all is for me to find the strength to have the "I'm just not that into you" talk and to walk away alone. He deserved someone that really truly likes him, rather than someone that still isn't sure.The infamous response of "I thought we had something special" and "I guess I misunderstood everything" is predicted. "You are just like the rest of them", that one really hurts. It's hard, but I won't settle for less.